Some of the top stories this month (from the BBC web site):

China: "Powerful earthquake hits Qinghai"
Thailand: "Aftermath of bloody clashes in Bangkok"
Poland: "Senior Polish figures killed in plane crash"
Iceland: "Eruption in Iceland causes chaos across Europe"

Just 17 days passed since April Fools' Day...and still so many events occurred which are no jokes. I enumerated just a few but I am definitely sure there're a lot more...even though they don't appear in the international media. All of this makes me wonder: did so many tragedies, natural catastophies happen one after the other when I was younger, as well or did I just wake up from the age of ignorance and now I'm confronted with maturity and everything that comes with it?
Perhaps they did happen...but I was not interested/aware of them. So many things changed in the last 10 years...let's say, it's not only that I got older (and hopefully wiser) but I see how much nature is neglected, how children are raised, how our alimentation changed, how much we depend on technology and internet, and the looong list can go on...
I'm just afraid to think about the future, so I prefer to live here and now...
After what happened today, I realized I need to learn managing my anger...and especially "self anger" - if I could call it like that. dramatic happend...not a big deal at all...just a small insignificant thing which almost ruined my whole evening: after getting to the gym I realized I had forgotten my sports shoes home. Very stupid, I know. So I had to come back home, take the shoes and go back! It took me around 15 minutes...but those 15 minutes were full of wrath. I was so angry at myself, I just couldn't believe I left them's like going to school without a school bag, or to the swimming pool without a bathing suit.
 After "mrrrrrr"ing to myself like a mad dog until home and back, I realized that nothing was going to change the situation...except my attitude. Instead of being angry, I could just be happy that nothing serious occured, I am fit and pleased that the weekend started...So, with these positive thoughts I returned to the gym and let all my negative enregy out.

Unfortunatelly, this "self anger" keeps disturbing me at least 2 or 3 times a week. One day, the metro leaves in front of my nose, because I remebered to put some perfume on, before getting out of the door (which took me just 1 minute...1 minute in which I could have managed to get on the metro), the other day, I am angry I said something which I souldn't have said...and the list goes on... In order to start my "self anger management therapy", I searched the world wide web to see what others do in such situations and this is what I found:

:) I will try some of the tips and let you know weather they helped or not. ;) Until then I will keep repeting to myself: "For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness" or "If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? - Sydney J. Harris" 

Hope it will work! :)

I hope I won't do any damage to your ears (or eyes :P ) but after my last post about talent, I decided to entertain you with some of today's "quality" music videos.

Besides the boobs nothing is "ok" (to me...)

But let's go back to Germany. Here is a song that haunted me for years:

And last but not least another hit...this time from Romania. Great lyrics. HD quality video.

Let's just pray for less pollution...
I've heard many times that "every person is born with a talent". Well, I am still trying to figure out mine...
In the meantime, I enjoy watching the people who already discoverd theirs. I am really not a talent show fan (I rarely watch TV) but one Saturday my remote control made a small pause on RTL while DSDS (Deutschland Sucht Der Superstar) was on. And this is what caught my attention:

(last week's show)

It is good to know that there are still some great singers out there, waiting to get the chance to prove themselves and enrich the music industry with voices that are worth hearing. It is sad though, that today no more quality music is produced (computer technology can totally change voices and make people without any singing talent  - STARS).

Where are the 80's, 90's?
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear." - H.P. Lovecraft ...and I agree with him.

But how can we define fear? According to the dictionary fear is: "A painful emotion or passion excited by the expectation of evil, or the apprehension of impending danger; apprehension; anxiety; solicitude; alarm; dread." Very academic. Therefore, I prefer the interactive video definition: 

So here I am 'dismantling' my thoughts of fear...exploring the different types of fears I experienced so far:

  • Fear of loosing someone you love - for me the biggest fear of all. I found a very nice article about it, which I am willing to share: 

"Thinking about the possibility of losing someone you love is devastating, not to mention hurtful. You may have invested too much of your time and feelings for that person and so just the thought of losing that person would leave you in a state of panic.
There are different categories of people with whom a person can have deep affections. The fear of losing any one of these people can be traumatic for a person, especially if he or she has just experienced a heavy loss, like divorce or death of a loved one.

A person can fear losing his spouse, his parents, his children, his relatives, his friends, or any person who is close to his heart. This fear can be caused or influenced by several factors such as: 

Divorce or separation - A person who recently went through divorce or separation proceedings can easily be haunted by separation anxiety due to the stress accompanied by the divorce process. It is not easy for a person to live with a spouse for a period of time and to separate with that person. Divorce proceedings are usually hostile and confrontational so such proceedings will always leave a bad taste in the mouth. In the same manner, a person who is about to undergo a divorce or separation will also be subjected to stress. 

Empty nest - A fulltime mother can easily feel depressed when she realizes her children are growing up and are slowly becoming independent. This anxiety stems from the thought that for several years, she was needed by her children and now that they can manage on their own, then she will no longer be needed and useful. A mother who experienced this fear of losing her children should try to immerse herself back into society by finding a business or a useful hobby that will keep her occupied. The feeling of uselessness is natural but you have to find a way to combat this fear by making yourself useful in some other ways. Also, why not look at the situation in another way? Why not accept the fact that you have reared your children so well and that you have prepared them to live their own lives? And now, it is time for them to try to walk alone without mommy's help. 

Death in the family - A death in the family or in your circle of friends will always make a person realize how fleeting life can be. This realization will manifest itself into the fear of losing someone you love due to illness or sudden death. Death is inevitable and it would do you good to make time for people you love. If you are already spending enough time with them, then you can always improve the quality of time you spend with your loved ones.

The fear of losing a loved one is always in existence. One can never get away from this fear because there are situations that will make a person think of the possibility of being separated from the people they love. But the possibility of losing someone is one of life's facts and no one can prevent his from happening."

  • Fear of sickness / Fear of pain - when you reach a certain age, you start realizing how important health is. A sick and tired body can't compete with the daily challenges so we have to concentrate on staying healthy. Even so, there is no guarantee that "sickness", "pain" will leave us alone, but it's worth trying!
  • Fear of bad decisions - everybody has to take decisions at a certain point in life, that can totally change her / his future. You never know what will happen... Even if you are certain you took the right decision, it can turn out to be a disaster, and the other way around. But no risk, no fun! We have to learn and live with it. 
  • Fear of making mistakes - nobody is perfect. We all know that! So why are we so affraid to make mistakes? Mistakes are the best way to learn! When I was at school, I was affraid I will say something stupid and the whole school will tease me afterwards; now I am affraid I will do a mistake at work...that will cost my job.
  • Fear of being yourself - so why is it so difficult to go out of our nutshell and show the world who we really are? Is it because we are affraid to be misjudged or misunderstood? Is it because we give too much importance of what others think about us? Well, I don't know...fact is I fell in love myself, and as long as I love myself...others will do the same. :)
  • Fear of Fear - Fear is such a powerful feeling, so unpredictable! It makes you vulnerable and weak. We have to learn and live with it for the rest of our days. There are two options: either we control our fears and fight them or leave fear control us and turn us in somebody we are not. So...don't be affraid to take the right decision! "The experience of overcoming fear is extraordinarily delightful" (Bertrand Arthur William Russell).

And as a short conclusion to this long post I would like to quote Marie Curie:

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood."

    Have you ever felt that you belong nowhere? That you have no national identity? I certainly did…and still do.

    Being born in a Hungarian family in Romania, by the age of 6 I was fluent in both Hungarian and Romanian. I started to study in a Romanian primary school for two years, the next two I was moved to the Hungarian section. Then, secondary school and high school followed in English and Romanian. Now I am in Germany for almost 5 years trying to pimp up my German. Moreover, I also did a Spanish and Hebrew course about two years ago to complete my vast foreign language knowledge. The result: none of the languages I speak / write is correct...Taking into account that English is an international language and not my mother tongue, it is easier for me to express myself (even though you will probably find some mistakes here and there ;) least I "excused" myself).

    And back to national identity: am I Romanian? am I Hungarian? ...cause German I'm certainly not! In Romania I always felt like an "outsider"; probably thanks to my Hungarian last name, which was never spelled / pronounced correctly and the small declination / conjugation mistakes I used to make, which were quickly corrected by colleagues, teachers... sometimes the reason for a good laugh. In Hungary...was worse. I experienced several situations when I was looked down upon as being the "Hungarian from Romania". I probably have to thank this to my Hungarian accent which is a clear sign of not having been born / raised in Hungary. I also felt disappointed when the Hungarians voted against giving "Hungarian Romanians" a Hungarian citizenship / passport. At least, now in Germany I got used to being an "Ausländer" (= Foreigner) and I can deal with it much better. Still, I own a Romanian pass, and I am coming from Eastern Europe which makes certain things difficult to bear. I hate it, when every time I arrive in Germany, my pass is checked page by page and the queue behind me is already wondering what's wrong, what have I done.

    My only relief is that due to the European Union, there is a considerable growth in population migration...and therefore children nowadays are usually born in mixed families. I really hope that in few years time, there will be less stress on nationality and it would be just enough to say: "I am European"!
    The first questions you ask yourself before starting a blog.

    The reason I decided to write my thoughts down is probably the same reason most of the bloggers have: to express myself, share my life visions with others who may have been in the same situation or perhaps not, and keep track of my experiences (cause unfortunately my memory starts letting me down).

    I am not thinking of a certain theme...I will probably write about the current things that bother me, make me happy, or simply my opinion concerning certain issues.

    After a long brainstorming, I decided to write in English. Why? I will develop this subject in my following post. :)
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